Addiction Read online

  This was different. This was life-altering.

  Sniffling again, Kylie forced her body to move, pushing slowly to her feet with the aid of the wall behind her back. Her knees wobbled, her head throbbed, and her back and shoulders ached. But she had to do something other than sit here and feel sorry for herself. She hurt too badly, inside and out, to let herself fester in the heartache. The recovery was going to be difficult enough if she just bucked up and faced it down.

  She was almost surprised to realize night hadn’t fallen and that it was only midafternoon as she headed to the shower. She needed to clean up and eat something. Food was essential to livelihood, and she wouldn’t waste away because of a man. Not even because of Jordan.

  She scrubbed her skin and hair raw, telling herself it would help with a fresh start, make her feel cleansed of the wrongdoing, but then she realized that Jordan hadn’t been the only one to do wrong. Even if she hadn’t known about Krys and the daughter, she was guilty for sleeping with a married man. She’d betrayed Krys and the girl as much as Jordan had betrayed her. The guilt caused a fresh wave of anger and resentment, aimed at herself, and Kylie washed again before finally climbing out of the intensely hot shower and drying her skin with punishing force.

  As she heated some soup on the stove, she finally went to find her phone, which had been on silent the whole time. She had several missed calls from Jordan and three texts she deleted without reading. The office called, asking if she could come in on her day off for a meeting, but obviously that hadn’t happened. And who could create art when they felt as black and tarnished as she did today anyway?

  There were also two missed calls and a text from Reesa. The text was simple. Are you okay? Call me as soon as you’re up to it. So, Jordan had gone to Marcus, who had passed along the information to Reesa. She wondered how honest he’d been about what happened. Then again, she wondered if Marcus knew all along what was going on. He and Reesa had probably already had that discussion, though, and had Marcus known, Reesa would be here now, the two of them mourning failed relationships together.

  The soup boiled, and she pulled it off the flame but left it, deciding that what she needed right now was a friend to talk to, someone to keep her company who would let her rage but also keep her from doing anything irrational. She called Reesa back, and within minutes, her best friend was on her way, promising to arrive with an armload of junk food.

  Chapter 8

  Take some time off.

  Apparently, that was supposed to be a solution for Kylie.

  It had been all of a week, and she was falling apart. Sure, her artwork wasn’t up to par compared to her usual, but it passed and was still better than what most of the others here put out. And she’d been late to a couple of meetings, distracted and not as well put together as usual. But she was still here, still doing her job, and she needed the work to fill her time. Still, her boss had told her to take a week off and get her head straight, even told her they would make sure she was paid for the time off because they wanted her to come back with her ‘best foot forward’. She wanted to rant at her boss, tell the woman that she was putting her best foot forward; she’d just lost her dancing partner and had to remember how to do it alone.

  Instead, she’d nodded and slunk back into her office, shut down her computer, collected her things, and left. She had no idea what she was going to do with her time. She couldn’t just sit around the house and wallow in self-pity. She’d drown in her sorrows, gain fifteen pounds eating chocolate ice cream and Cheetos, and end up with Reesa coming over to force her to bathe when the stench got too bad.

  No, that couldn’t be allowed. She had to figure something else out, and she decided to call Reesa. Her friend’s schedule was much less rigid, and they could probably meet for lunch. Maybe Reesa would have an idea.

  But as she walked up to the little diner in Midtown where she could see her best friend already seated at a table, she frowned. Reesa wrung her hands and looked upset about something. Kylie sighed. She really needed a listening ear right now, but at least hearing what was bothering Reesa might help take her mind off her own troubles for a little while. Besides, that was her best friend, and no matter what she was going through herself, she was always going to be there for Reesa.

  She walked in, and Reesa smiled at her, though the expression didn’t reach her eyes, and Kylie slid into the seat across from her. “Man, I thought I had problems. The look on your face tells me those are nothing compared to whatever you’re going through. What’s wrong?”

  Reesa shook her head, scowling, and she said nothing as they ordered drinks and small plates. When the waitress walked away, Reesa inhaled deeply and said, “We should talk.”

  “Ominous,” Kylie tried to joke, but her friend didn’t laugh. With a sigh, she tried, “Okay, I thought that was why we were here. What’s on your mind that has you so upset?”

  “It’s Jordan.” Kylie winced and started to tell her she didn’t want to hear about it, but Reesa held up a hand to stop her. “Hear me out for a minute, please. Things aren’t exactly what they seem, okay? Just calm down and let me talk. Can you do that?”

  “Reesa, I’m really not ready to hear his attempt to make any of this okay. He lied to me, not just something small but about his entire life.”

  Closing her eyes as if praying for patience, Reesa said, “I’m not sure exactly how this happened in the first place, to be honest. One minute, it’s nothing serious and you’re both just having a good time. The next thing I know, both of you are heartbroken. What happened to ‘living in the moment’?”

  That made Kylie angry, and she had to quell it to keep from spitting fire at her best friend. “Screw that. Look where it got me. I fell in love anyway, and I ended up being a fool. He’s got a wife and kid he hid from everyone, Reesa! Why should I pretend that doesn’t matter?”

  “Because in this case, it doesn’t.” The soft voice behind Kylie startled her, and she turned to see a pretty woman with bleached hair and sun-kissed skin, her eyes a deep brown and sad. She was tall and thin, and she had a foreign accent. Australian. Kylie’s jaw went slack, and she froze in place as the woman took a step toward the table and touched the back of the chair next to her, looking at Reesa in question. Reesa nodded, and the woman sat down, leaving a rather notable space between herself and Kylie. “I’m Krys. And you’re Kylie. I’ve seen pictures.”

  Pictures? What sort of messed up relationship did these two have? And why was she here? Did she plan to call Kylie out for being horrible and irresponsible by sleeping with a married man and not checking the facts first? If so, she didn’t need to hear all the blaming. She had every intention of apologizing to Krys. Maybe it would take some of the weight off her shoulders so she could start to really move on.

  Still, she opened her mouth to speak, and the words that came out were more scathing than she intended. “That’s funny. I never saw pictures of you.”

  She laughed, and it was a rich, deep sound that made Kylie wish they could have met and had a drink together under different circumstances. “I’ve never been a fan of cameras. The last good picture I took was for high school graduation. But he carries a picture of Amelia in his wallet.” At the name, her smile faded, and Kylie felt her heart lurch.

  “Amelia. That’s your daughter.” Krys nodded, and Kylie glanced at Reesa out of the corner of her eye. She looked like she was ready to cry, but she remained completely silent, as if she was watching a movie and waiting for the climax. “I’m a big proponent of privacy. I haven’t exactly searched through his wallet.”

  “I see why he fell in love with you.” She said it as if it didn’t bother her. In fact, she almost seemed pleased. That didn’t compute in Kylie’s mind, but she didn’t say anything. “Jordan deserves a good woman, and from what I heard, you’re exactly the person he’s been waiting for his whole life.”

  “Then why did he marry you?” Kylie pressed her lips tightly together, but it was too late. The words were already out there,
and she couldn’t take them back. “Look, I don’t mean to be harsh. And I’m very sorry for getting involved with Jordan. I can’t imagine how you must feel, but none of this makes sense to me. I have no idea why you’re here, talking to me like I’m not some home wrecker.”

  “Because you’re not,” Krys replied lightly. “Kylie, I’ve known about you almost from the moment you met Jordan. He’s my brother, for all intents and purposes. Our marriage, our daughter…those are both something out of the ordinary, and I needed to explain it to you face to face. I insisted on coming the moment I realized you were the one who answered the phone that morning.”

  Kylie didn’t know what to say. What exactly did she mean, ‘out of the ordinary’? She turned to Reesa, who gave a small nod of encouragement, and Kylie scrubbed her hand over her face, not speaking while the waitress delivered their food. Krys waved her away, not ordering anything. Finally, she asked, “Well, are you going to explain it, then?” Not that it would matter. There was no way she could trust Jordan anymore, not after he’d hidden something like this.

  “I’d love to.” Krys beamed. “Just keep an open mind and don’t judge Jordan for not telling you. That was my fault. I’m the one who told him it would be best for him if he didn’t talk about us.” Kylie narrowed her eyes but didn’t interrupt. Scooting a little closer now, Krys continued, “I think you know we were friends in high school, and after high school, our parents got married. It was good for them, strange for us. But we didn’t live together, not really. He was already off pursuing his football career, and I went to college in Sydney. He was so busy he didn’t really date, and I actually had several bad relationships.

  “There was a point when I decided I would swear off men, and Jordan didn’t think he would ever find time for the type of woman he wanted to be with. We were close, talked about all of this, even though we didn’t see much of each other anymore. You know, he was already here in the States, and I had moved back to Victoria. Anyway, he came home to visit for about a month, and I was at my worst. I cried on his shoulder for hours after a bad break up, the first time I’d ever actually fallen in love. And I told him that all I wanted was a family, a child of my own.”

  Kylie swallowed hard. She knew that feeling, had wanted that her whole life. She’d thought she had a chance of that with Jordan, but it didn’t seem to work out, no matter how hard she tried. She could relate to Krys on that level, and it helped ease her mind to a degree, even if she still didn’t know exactly how to feel about the woman.

  Krys continued, “He told me I didn’t have to have a man in my life to have a child, built up my self-esteem telling me what a strong, independent woman I was and that I could be a great mother. I agreed, but I didn’t want to go pick some random sperm at a clinic. So, I asked him if he would donate his. I told him I trusted him, and at least I knew he was healthy and mentally sound. He hesitated at first, and I told him I wouldn’t expect anything from him, although he’d be welcome as a father in my child’s life if he wanted to be.

  “He finally agreed, and we went to the clinic to have it done. It took a couple of tries, but I got pregnant, and nine months later, Amelia was born. Jordan was there, and he’s been there as a dad as much as he can be ever since.”

  Kylie didn’t know what to say. It was a beautiful thing, really, to help his stepsister have a child, but it didn’t explain why they’d gotten married, unless they had fallen in love later. She wanted to ask a million questions, but she figured if she was patient, Krys would answer at least most of them in her own time.

  When she started to speak again, her chin trembled, and Kylie frowned, curious and concerned. “Amy started getting sick when she was four, and shortly after her fifth birthday, I had to take her to emergency. They ran a number of tests, and it turned out that she had leukemia.” Kylie gasped, unable to imagine what that must have done to Krys, whose eyes filled with liquid even now. “It was terrible, especially when we couldn’t get treatment in Australia. The health care system didn’t cover the treatment, and the cost was outrageous.

  “Jordan had insurance here, but we could only come on a thirty-day visa, and his insurance didn’t cover Amy’s treatment because we weren’t married. A marriage certificate solved both problems, and despite my protests, Jordan insisted, said it was the only solution because Amy needed the treatment. So, we went to the courthouse and signed the papers. There was no ceremony, no guests, no reception. It was all business. And he promised me he wouldn’t get involved with anyone because he wouldn’t do anything that might risk Amy losing insurance.

  “I always told him that he should fall in love, find the woman of his dreams, but he laughed it off, said that woman didn’t exist in real life. And when Amy went into remission after a year of treatment, we moved back to Victoria, and I reminded him that he should get on with his life. But he told me it could come back, and he refused to divorce me. I never once heard him waver in that decision until he met you.”

  Tears pricked at Kylie’s eyes. All this time, Jordan had put his life on hold, had avoided any kind of relationship, because he had dedicated himself to his daughter. It was everything most women desired – a man who loved their child so much they would do anything to make sure that son or daughter was safe. And he’d never turned his back on them, no matter what.

  “Is Amy okay now?” she asked, her voice barely a whisper.

  That pain came back into Krys’ eyes, and Kylie held her breath. “Well, we thought she might be having a relapse because her knees were hurting, and she fractured her arm falling off the slide in the park a few days ago. But it turned out that the treatments had just weakened her bones, and she’ll be taking calcium supplements for a while and doing some physical therapy to strengthen the muscles. I called to give him the good news, and to tell him that Amy wanted to meet you.”

  Blinking back the moisture, Kylie stared at Krys in disbelief. Not only had Krys known about her; so had Jordan’s daughter. He’d told them about her, and whatever he said made enough of an impression that the small child wanted to meet her. Something in her chest clenched, and she didn’t know what to do about it.

  She’d spent months wishing Jordan would fall for her, and just when she felt like things were going in the right direction, her world turned upside down because of this woman’s existence, and her daughter’s. Kylie knew she’d reacted badly, should have at least listened to what Jordan had to say. If she had given him a chance to explain, he probably would have told her everything and then gotten Krys on the phone to confirm it. Instead, she’d chosen to kick him out and ignore him, and she’d been miserable for the last week. So bad that her boss had asked her to take time off.

  And who suffered in all of this the most? Jordan.

  He’d sacrificed freedom for a daughter he hadn’t intended to have, one he’d helped Krys to have. He’d pushed Kylie away, not because he didn’t love her but because he couldn’t give her the happy married life she wanted without risking Amy’s life. What sort of choice was that for a man to have to make? And how could she have been so selfish and careless to accuse him of being sick and twisted without even thinking twice about it?

  “I’m a terrible person,” she muttered, the first tear sliding down her cheek. “I thought…” She shook her head and gave Krys a pleading look. “I thought he was one of those men who lied about having a family so he could get his kicks while he left you to fend for yourselves. And I thought he’d made a move on his stepsister or even done something terrible to you, either of which made me sick to my stomach.”

  Krys laughed and shook her head, resting her hand on top of Kylie’s where it lay on the table. “It would have been my initial conclusion, too, under the circumstances. When he called me, that’s exactly what I told him, and I screamed at the bloody dolt for not coming clean about it sooner. The minute he realized he had feelings for you, he should have told you the truth. Especially you! I doubt you would have taken off running and never spoken to him again.”

&nbs
p; Kylie thought about it, and no, she wouldn’t have turned away. In fact, she quite likely would have fallen in love harder and faster, just because he was such a good man. “I would have handled it. Even that morning, if I hadn’t been so pigheaded and selfish, I would have been alright, once I understood.” She put her head in her hands and took several deep breaths, feeling suddenly like she might pass out.

  “Are you alright?” It was the first time Reesa had spoken in what seemed like hours, and Kylie nodded, not trusting her voice and not wanting to make eye contact with anyone. She felt terrible for the things she’d thought, the way she’d told Jordan she trusted him in any situation and then turned her back on him at the first sign of trouble. “I knew you needed to hear it from Krys. You know, she came here just to talk to you.”

  That definitely got Kylie’s attention, and she gaped at Krys, who just shrugged. “We had some miles to use, and it’s summer break for Amy. We both wanted to meet you anyway, and it seemed like the best thing to do to try to set things straight.” She paused and tilted her head, assessing Kylie. “You really love him, don’t you?”

  “Very much,” Kylie breathed, feeling relief at actually telling someone else. She’d told Jordan she was falling for him, but she was far past that point. She was deeply, madly in love with him, and that was why she felt so bitter over the betrayal. She could admit that to herself now.

  “Then I hope I haven’t wasted this trip,” Krys told her. “I could hear it in the way Jordan talked about you, love. You’re the one, the only woman he’s ever dared to get close to, and it’s because he felt something for you that first night. Ask him. He’ll tell you now. Hell, he should have told you before. Stubborn bloke.”