Addiction Page 5
He took a menacing step toward her. “I have never made demands on you, other than not to expect something more serious.” His voice was a roar, and it took everything in Kylie not to back away. It wasn’t that she expected him to hurt her; she knew better. Jordan would never lay a finger on her in anger. But it was instinctual, and his volume alone was enough to push her back.
“Well, now I’m demanding to know why you won’t let yourself get in any deeper,” she counted. “Unless you’re blowing smoke up my ass about caring, what’s the harm in trying? And don’t tell me that you don’t want me to get hurt if it doesn’t work out. I’m already in too deep, Jordan. Like it or not, I’m starting to fall for you, and I’m going to end up hurt either way.”
A muscle in his jaw twitched as he glared down at her, his eyes hard and filled with some deep emotion – hate or anger or something like it. Maybe resentment? But Kylie held her ground, ready for whatever came next, and little by little, his expression morphed. His eyes softened, his jaw relaxed, and something else that she couldn’t understand – regret or sorrow or longing? – passed briefly through those beautiful blues before he masked it.
Reaching a hand up, he cupped her cheek and nodded. “I am scared, Kylie. I’m scared to fall head over heels for anyone. Do you know what happens to men when they let themselves go bonkers for some woman, and then she betrays him in some way? They go off the deep end. There’s nothing left to live for after that. And the same is true in the other direction. I would never want you to feel that sort of devastation, and I wish you hadn’t let yourself fall for me.”
Kylie felt the crack in her chest and had to swallow a sob. So, he didn’t want her to feel anything. He didn’t want to feel anything, and he’d managed to hold back. This was it. Part of her wished she’d kept her mouth shut and suffered a while longer, though her rational mind tried to tell her it was better this way. After all, the sooner they broke ties, the less pain she would have to deal with. Sticking around would only allow her love to grow, and when she finally said goodbye, she might shatter completely.
She started to pull away from him, but he grabbed her chin and pulled her into a soul-searching kiss, deep and taunting, and she couldn't help but fall into it. She reached up, fisting her hands in his hair, and he wrapped his free arm around her waist, pulling her tightly against him. For once, she didn't feel an erection pressing into her, only the hard surface of his stomach and chest, like a wall of heat, and she arched her back, wanting to get closer.
Jordan tilted her head back, making her open further to him, and Kylie sighed into his mouth, her body tingling and ready but her mind elsewhere, wrapped around promises that the kiss made, vows unspoken that shouldn't be running through her mind. When he pulled back, she saw it in his eyes, too. He searched her face and told her, "I can't make any promises to you, Kylie. Please don't ask me to. But I do care about you."
"What does that mean?" she asked in a breathless whisper, her chest heaving as she drew in gulps of oxygen.
“It means, let’s see where this goes.” Fear marred his features, his body rigid against her, his shoulders tense “I don’t know what I’m doing here. All I know is I don’t want to lose you, and I don’t want to hurt you. Let’s see what happens.”
“As in a relationship?” she asked, not quite daring to hope.
He didn’t respond right away but slowly nodded after a long moment. “If that’s what you want to call it. I want you, Kylie. In my bed and in my life. I just don’t know what I have to offer you in exchange.”
“You don’t have to offer anything except you, Jordan,” she told him, resting her hands on his shoulders. “Just you and your honest feelings.” For the first time since she’d gone home with him, she felt the giddiness that overwhelmed her that night, a hope for the future. She hadn’t realized she had given up hope on having something special, with Jordan or anyone else, until it came flooding back in that moment. It felt surreal, and she let herself bask in it as they locked gazes, something transpiring between them.
It made her chest swell, and when a small smile crept across his lips and reached his eyes, it nearly exploded. “What have you done to me, woman?” he asked, his tone teasing but filled with wonder and something soft that caressed her from head to toe.
Kylie shook her head, biting her lip to keep her own grin from growing too large. “I haven’t done anything, Jordan. Sometimes, it just feels right.” She’d reached the edge of her realm of experience, and she could offer no more insight. She spoke from the heart, knowing that it felt right to be with him.
He swallowed hard and let out a long breath. “Are you really falling in love with me?”
Fear and vulnerability echoed in his words, and for a moment, Kylie considered backing off, saying that she definitely felt something for him but didn’t know if it was love. But then, honesty had gotten her this far, so she nodded. “I think so.”
He brushed his thumb over her cheek, just below her eye, and she felt the wetness, only then noticing that she was crying. “I’ve never had a woman tell me that in a situation where I actually believed her. Or when I thought it might matter.” He drew her head to his chest, cradling her against him. “You’re special, Kylie, and I’m not sure what I’ve done to deserve you in my life. But now that you’re here, I’m not ready to let you go.”
His sincerity warmed her, filled her with a sense of belonging and complete happiness. She threaded her arms around his waist and breathed him in, the scent of a new constant in her life. Could she really make this work? Had he really offered to try, admitted he didn’t know how to deal with his feelings for her? it was more than she could have imagined, and she would take what she could get. That was as much as anyone could ask for, under the circumstances, and they would definitely see what happened in the future.
Right now, though, the feel of him pressed against her, coupled with his enticing smell, had her toes curling and her heart pounding. Lifting her head, she gazed up at him with longing, and he instantly grew hard against her. “What are you thinking, you dirty little girl?” he asked, his voice deep and throaty.
"I'm thinking that I want to take you up to my place, strip our clothes off, and crawl into bed. Then, I want you on top of me and inside me."
He grunted and grinded his hips against her, rubbing his swollen cock on her stomach. “I think that sounds like a perfect plan.”
Chapter 6
As she hung up with Jordan, Kylie frantically dialed Reesa's number. She didn't answer, and Kylie cursed under her breath as she hung up and redialed. It went to voicemail again, and Kylie clenched her jaw, pacing back and forth across her small apartment. At the beep, she huffed and left a frazzled message. "Reesa, I don't know if you heard the news or not, but it's about to explode everywhere. Some woman is accusing Marcus of raping and beating her. I just talked to Jordan, and they're about to hop the plane home, but you need to be prepared for the shit to hit the fan. Please call me, let me know you're okay."
She hung up and kept pacing, shoving her hair back from her face as it blew around her. A few days away, and the guys managed to turn everyone’s worlds upside down. Jordan assured her the accusations were false, but they were in a rush to get to the airport and make the flight, Marcus having been held for questioning till the last minute, so he hadn’t given any details. The problem was, Reesa had trust issues anyway, especially since she’d just had a sore reminder of the horrible abuse she’d suffered at the hands of her ex-husband.
Reesa was going to flip out, and Kylie wanted to get ahead of it. She doubted Reesa had heard anything, since Marcus hadn’t made any calls, and her best friend had been at work all day. If Kylie could be the one to break it to her, she might handle it better. Kylie believed Jordan; they’d had enough time together for her to feel confident in anything he told her. He’d grown a little more comfortable being open and honest with his feelings, and while he still didn’t say he loved her, Kylie knew he wouldn’t lie to her or hurt her.
She tried Reesa again several times and texted Jordan, letting him know that he needed to come over as soon as they got back. In fact, she had a feeling Reesa would show up here anyway, and she texted him again to tell him to bring Marcus. It was the only way Reesa would talk to him. That’s how well she knew her friend.
Not an hour later, someone was banging on her door, and Kylie opened it to find Reesa with a wild look on her face, a mixture of fear, devastation, and rage. “Tell me what happened.” Ushering her inside, Kylie discovered that a reporter had accosted her, not even telling her exactly what the story was. Kylie reiterated what she’d heard from Jordan as best she could, and she watched the stoic façade crack under the pressure of such a heavy accusation.
Rather than argue with her, Kylie just told her that she needed to listen to Marcus, let her heart make the decision. Then, she let the topic go and went to the freezer for ice cream. They sat and streamed reruns of old sit-coms, delving into multiple pints of the sweet dessert, and the hours passed with an anxious cloud hovering over their heads. She watched Reesa, who checked the clock far too often, checked her phone even more obsessively.
Finally, Kylie heard the door, and considering the hour, she knew it could only be Jordan with Marcus in tow. “Who is that?” Reesa asked suspiciously.
“Who do you think?” Kylie countered, getting up to answer. Her friend’s jaw dropped, and her eyes grew hard, but Kylie just shook her head. “You need to hear him out with an open mind, Reesa. This was the only way I could guarantee you would.”
“Are you going to stay?” she asked, sounding desperate.
But Kylie shook her head. “No, but we’ll be two minutes away, okay? You’ll be fine. Marcus is not a danger to you, okay?” The fact that Reesa didn’t look convinced spoke volumes, and it ate at Kylie’s heart, made her feel guilty. But it was time for Reesa to clean the skeletons out of her closet and say goodbye to old ghosts. Marcus was nothing like her ex-husband, and he was nothing like the monster this woman painted a picture of. Even if she didn’t know Marcus, she couldn’t believe Jordan could be so close to a man who would assault a woman.
She opened the door, finding Jordan standing behind a very ragged Marcus, who looked like a deer in headlights. Before she addressed the man she so desperately wanted to hold her, she eyed Marcus and told him under her breath, “Fix this.” He just nodded and moved past her. Grabbing her keys, she called back to Reesa over her shoulder, “We’ll be right downstairs, if you need us.”
Before she even had the door closed, Jordan wrapped her in a tight embrace, inhaling deeply as he shoved his nose into her hair. “God, I missed the way you smell,” he said, hoarse with exhaustion and likely emotional overload. She tipped her head back to kiss him, and he smiled. “Did you miss me?”
She nodded but didn’t smile back. “You know you’re going to explain what really happened, right?”
“Of course, but I need coffee or I might pass out in the process. I haven’t slept in two days, literally.” He took her hand, intertwining their fingers, and guided her to the elevator. “She’ll be fine, Kylie,” he told her gently as they waited.
Kylie nodded as she turned to look at the door to her apartment. “It’s not her I’m worried about. I’m terrified she’s going to either be stubborn enough to break Marcus’ heart or angry enough to cut his throat.”
Jordan chuckled softly. “I can’t worry that much. Besides, he knows how close we are, too.” They’d agreed to go down to the all-night coffee shop downstairs for an hour or so, giving their friends time and space to work through the new demons that surrounded them. As they arrived on the bottom floor, Kylie glanced at Jordan from the corner of her eye. Would she believe him if he was in Marcus’ situation? She’d never known Reesa’s ex-husband, and she didn’t think she’d ever encountered another man that sadistic. She wasn’t jaded like her friend.
Still, a woman's word, and the beat-up face this woman had, would probably give her cause for concern. At the same time, she knew celebrities were targets for those stories because they had money. And a lot of women just wanted to get noticed. No, she decided, she trusted Jordan. He'd never lied to her, even hurting her with the truth at first rather than giving her something false to believe in.
“Why are you looking at me with those precious puppy dog eyes?” he asked, pulling her against his side with an arm around her waist. He smiled down at her as they stepped in line to order their drinks.
She sighed and shrugged. “I’m just glad that will never be us.” She pointed up, indicating Marcus and Reesa.
“I wouldn’t put it past some bitter bitch to accuse me of something like that, Kylie,” he said, completely somber.
“That’s not what I mean,” she told him. “It has nothing to do with the accusation and everything to do with the fact that I don’t mistrust you. Sure, Reesa has her issues and her PTSD, but that’s no excuse not to trust Marcus. He’s done nothing to deserve her doubt. And you’ve never done anything to deserve mine.”
He didn't say anything as they approached the counter, instead of ordering their drinks. Did he look troubled, or was he just tired? It was a stupid thing to wonder, considering his lack of sleep and the idea of his best friend facing possible prison time and a completely ruined image and career. Of course, he was tired. And troubled. She shouldn't have said anything about the possibility of him having to go through the same trauma.
“I didn’t mean to upset you,” she apologized quietly as they found a table by the window and sat down.
Jordan shrugged and shook his head. “You didn’t upset me, love. I’m glad you have such faith in me. It’s sort of nice to think that there’s a woman in this world who doesn’t get crazy and start throwing accusations just because I don’t answer my phone once. I trust you, too, you know. I wouldn’t have you with me if I didn’t.”
Even now, Kylie loved the sound of it when he referred to her as being ‘with him’. it was petty and childish, but in her heart, it meant so much she couldn’t help it. This sort of attachment was new to her. No matter how many times she’d tried, she’d failed to find love, and she’d regretted most of her attempts to do so. Jordan was different. He showed every day that he cared, even if he didn’t say he loved her. In some capacity, he must. It carried through in his actions, and at times like this when he talked about appreciating some of her characteristics.
“It takes two to build that trust,” she said, trying to be lighthearted about it but knowing she was treading in very deep, meaningful waters. Considering the hour, she decided it might be best to change the subject. “So, tell me what happened. How did this woman get a line on Marcus if he didn’t do anything?”
Jordan took a deep breath and launched into the explanation. Apparently, she’d felt the cold rejection of a man in love with someone else and somehow gotten herself into trouble elsewhere, then deciding to accuse Marcus. Neither of them knew who had actually assaulted her, or if she’d even faked it, but there were DNA results to confirm that Marcus was innocent. He’d willingly surrendered a sample, and Kylie had as much faith that he’d be cleared of the charges as Jordan did.
As he finished, Jordan’s phone rang, and Kylie frowned. The name ‘Krys’ popped up on his screen, and he ignored the call. It unsettled her, and she asked, “Who was that?”
“My stepsister,” he answered with a sigh. “She lives in Australia and tends to forget the time difference.”
That explained the late hour. “Your stepsister?” It was the first she’d heard of a sibling of any kind.
He rolled his eyes and smirked. “Technically, we were just friends in high school. My mum started seeing her dad after we graduated, and they married a few
years ago. She usually calls to complain when they skip town for some last minute global adventure or to warn me if they’re coming to visit without telling me.”
For some reason, jealousy took hold in Kylie’s chest, and she had to ask. “Were the two of you ever together?”
He laughed, a loud, belly sound. “Fuck no! Krys and I never had any attraction to each other. Besides, even before I came here to play ball, I didn’t date much. I never felt the need to settle down with anyone, just like I told you.” His smile faded, and he reached for her hand. “This is the most serious relationship I’ve ever had, Kylie, in case you haven’t realized that yet.”
While that made her preen, it also gave her an uneasy feeling. Trying to take the edge off her anxiety, she kept asking questions. “Is it weird? You know, being related to someone you grew up with by marriage?”
“Sometimes it’s strange to think about it. More than anything, we both hate the way our parents are so sexually oriented. We get weirded out at the thought of them having sex.”
Kylie had to laugh. “Most people feel that way about their natural parents as soon as they learn how babies are made. At least you were basically adults when they started sleeping together.”
“True. Still, I wouldn’t exactly call it a blessing.” He smirked. “It doesn’t affect me as much as it does Krys. I don’t live around it anymore.” He checked his watch. “Do you think they’ve had enough time to work out their shit? I’m tired, and all I can think about is crawling into bed with you and then sleeping until the world spins around a couple of times.”
It had been about an hour, and Kylie nodded. “I think it should be fine. They’ve either worked things out or ended things at this point. If we leave them any longer, we could end up with a disaster on our hands.” She could imagine Reesa tearing the place apart in anger, or worse, the two of them going at each other in emotional wreckage.